Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Compa returns

For whatever reason, what is almost now a year ago, I stopped blogging- shortly after I had started. I have thought a lot about why I stopped; concerns over privacy, over how much to share and how much to hold back.

Ultimately, I think it was a holding my breath, not quite believing that someday, we would adopt. There are days it still feels very unreal; days that I still don't believe it could happen. As far as privacy goes, I have shared far more of my views and self than I am likely to share here on online forums, so that's not my concern. Rather, my silence was a long, drawn-out holding of my breath. And by returning, I suppose I am showing that I am ready to believe in it as a possibility. And also, that I need it- some kind of outlet, some kind of gesture of good faith on my part that I do believe someday we will adopt.

As I mentioned in my previous post, by the end of November of last year we had taken the first tentative steps. In March we began our training, we were done by early May and now here we are, in mid-homestudy, almost a year later.

If we wanted to, we could be done by November. Our homestudy will be done by then. We will likely be approved shortly thereafter. If we were crazy (as I am) we would find all kinds of ways to juggle the bills and take advantage of various subsidies in order to get a placement right away. But I have made the tragic mistake of marrying a responsible and loving man, who pointed out to me that rather than being (once again) in the position of making things work, it might be nice if we waited until they worked all by themselves. And so we will wait, from November to June, our homestudy put on hold of our own doing. And I am greatful to have married someone who keeps my feet on the ground, but Lord do I hate it when he's right! ;-)

We are working towards a transracial adoption (I am white, he is Latino and our second child will likely be black or biracial. We have one bio son). Part of our homestudy is a cultural competency assessment, and I may post on that later. Or who knows, after all this time, I may not.


No comments: