The Darkest Day

I consider December 21st to be the real New Year's Eve- as the Darkest Day, the rest of the year only gets brighter until summer solstice. So in light of this, I present to you: The Bad Stuff. The dark, the cynical, the difficult, the tragic. Don't worry, tomorrow's post is all about bunnies and flowers. In no particular order:

1. Scat. No, get your smutty little mind out of the gutter, I'm talkin' bout the annoying non-verbal diarrea that is so beloved by the jazz community (please picture a white twenty-something college student making jazz hands here). I particularly hate scat when "performed" by white people. I think I object to it so much because there is a whole group of white jazz afficionados who have managed to completely erase the African American roots of the music, and turned it into their own, soul-less creation. So my fellow honkies: no more buh-duh-DOY-dah-doy-duh-deet-deet-deet for you. It makes me wince.

2. Global warming. You are not only on notice, but you have put me on notice. What's up with that?

3. Thoughtful people. Thank god I am not a close personal friend of Julie's, because beyond having to put up with the wicked sense of humour and the terrific insight (and I mean really, screw that), I'd be faced with the following unfortunate scene every Christmas:

Julie: Merry Christmas Compa! I made you these twenty-six different kinds of perfectly-executed yet impossibly difficult cookies, whilst my adorable tow-headed toddler was underfoot. Whee! Want some Ritalin?
Compa: And I, uh, stuck some cloves in an orange for you. With my son. You can put it in a drawer, with your socks and underwear. You might have to do a little sweep of your drawer for clove bits every so often, cause it, uh, seems to shed. Or something. Never mind. [Takes orange and runs away, sobbing.]

4. Stephen Harper. Seems a fairly obvious one for a Canadian, but for those of you south of the border, our own "Dear Leader" has all but distroyed the primary women's advocacy instituiton in the country, determined that poor and unemployed people don't need access to computers, axed the national child care program cause, p'shaw, who needs child care? Total losers, that's who. TOTAL LOSERS LIKE ME, STEPHEN. May 2007 be your last year in power.

5. Tragedy & Hard Times. That's right, I don't like either of 'em. So please go over and give one Ms. Akeeyu Buttmansion some love, cause she's had a hell of a 2006.

Thank you, and don't forget to come back tomorrow for Good News Saturday. With skipping! And fairies! And sing-along songs!